Paying Attention

I've been a Pastor's wife for virtually all my life. Certainly not the conventional kind --but definitely called to the ministry. I've spent time in the nursery, teaching kindergarten Sunday School, playing the piano, and leading worship. My heart is in music and worship, really. I've spent the most time doing that.

But in the past several years, I've been consumed by serving my family. It's a lot to do, keeping a household of seven people going. The laundry alone would overwhelm most people. Fortunately, I like doing the laundry. It is always the thing I can depend upon to be the visible accomplishment at the end of an emotionally taxing day.

These days I'm not involved in much of anything at church. I still feel the calling of ministry on my life. But I'm basically unable to do anything much until the girls really leave home. And since two are leaving for college in the fall, and I have no idea how we and they are going to pay for it, I've been worried about getting a job.

Getting a job. Hmmm. Sounds easy, doesn't it? Getting a job -- like working at Wal-Mart, or a grocery store, or Starbucks. Or being a receptionist for a doctor or attorney. Actually, I've done these sorts of jobs all my life. I've been a travel agent, a secretary for orthopedic surgeons, a Kelly Girl (temp jobs), a transcriber for an insurance company, worked in a fabric store, worked at the ticket counter for an airline, been a flight attendant, and owned my own bridal/prom business where I made dresses from pictures and photos.

Somehow, none of these jobs really fit my passion. This is probably the reason I've been fired from about half of them! The classic question is this: what's your passion? That's supposed to lead you to your perfect job. The trouble is, I'm one of those artistic type introverts who has about a bazillion passions. It changes all the time. And it depends on how much caffeine I've had as to the degree of passionate-ness. (yes, I just made up that word.) What's my passion? Well, what day is it? Is it sunny? Have I had my happy pill? Is the house clean? Is there any coffee?

I have always had a heart for young moms and wives and women in general who don't have the slightest clue as to how to set up a household. I once thought I'd write a book about it. But I'm so ADD that not only can I barely pay attention in church, I can hardly finish a sentence.

A couple of years ago, I spoke for our church's yearly "Gala." It's a women's event held in early December, and I was the new Pastor's wife who had just arrived in August. So they wanted to get to know me. My good friend Barb asked me to speak for this event.

It was truly a calling from God that I did that. The message came together effortlessly, I wasn't nervous a bit, and hearts were touched.

God used me. Wow. What a privilege it is to say that!

I want to be used like that again. This is an addiction I cannot shake! Rick Warren challenges each of us to not just ask God what He wants us to do. But rather, we should be looking around at what He's doing, and join in. Me wondering and asking God about what job I should have is simply the wrong question. The right question is this: What is God doing right now, and how can I join Him?

This is my journey right now, trying to figure that out. Taking the steps toward serving Him in an active way, rather than sitting at my computer waiting for Him to drop something in my lap. God rewards those who seek Him by allowing Himself to be found. I'm not sure what this will mean in the long run, but I'm at least excited by the prospects!

All this has come from a rather inspirational morning of coffee with my good friend Barb. God used her in a HUGE way this morning, and I am grateful! I'll keep you posted on the findings of my journey -- but do expect this blog to get a lot more consistent in talking about what God is doing.

I, more than anyone else I know, need to notice God's presence around me. And I'm going to talk about it here. I hope you'll be blessed.

xox