today at jen's house: Kill Me Now.

Monday, March 31, 2008

Kill Me Now.

Just hand me the gun, the pills, the pillow, or point me to the sufficiently-sized body of water. Someone, please, put me out of my misery.

And let me offer this little gem of advice for anyone who has any kind of type-A personality perfectionist daughters:

HAVE SOMEONE ELSE TAKE THEM PROM DRESS SHOPPING.

2 Comments:

Queen B said...: Bless your heart. Really. Bless. your. heart.; March 31, 2008 at 6:01 PM
Anonymous said...: Oh! I know, I know! I have lately refused to take my girls clothes shopping without a college student friend along or, if I'm really fortunate, without me altogether. Otherwise, I'll have no accountability for the control-freakiness that I've turned into a fine art. AND, someone always, always, ALWAYS cries. I can't handle it. It's way too stressful.; March 31, 2008 at 11:35 PM

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The Barbie Diaries

Regarding a pistol that had been passed on from Hunk O Man's father to him:
Barbie: "Dad, you really should get a newer gun. I mean, that one must be from the Rock Era or something.
Hunk O Man: "You mean the Stone Age?"
Barbie: "Rock Era, Stone Age -- whatever. It's all the same."

Regarding various things she is asked and has no idea what the answer is:
Barbie: "How should I know? What am I, a brainiologist?"

Heard while watching one of the "Superman" movies:
Barbie: "Look! It's the planet Crouton!"

We are shopping and I comment that the clothing looks a lot like it did when I was in junior high:
Barbie: "Mom, it's called retro. Next thing you know, my kids will be dressing like cowboys and indians."

Between Hunk O Man and Bunny, regarding semantics:
Barbie: "Whatever, Dad. You say tomato, I say potato."

Heard over the phone as the girls and Hunk O Man are crammed into a rental car, heading to the airport, right after Christmas:
Barbie: "Mama, we're squished in here like sushi!"
Me, laughing: "No, honey, it's sardines."
Barbie: "Sardines? What are sardines?"
Me: "Little fish in a can."
Barbie: "Well, sushi are fish. Same difference."

Remembering a Christmas Day spent in the ER:
Barbie: "Daddy, do you remember I was in the hospital once? I had ammonia."

Driving home from a family reunion, Hunk O Man and I are discussing the relatives we've seen. We are driving in a rural area:
Barbie: "Whatta buncha pigs!"
Me: "Barbie! We don't talk about our relatives like that!"
Barbie: "No, really, Mom. Look!"
I look out the window and we are driving past an actual hog farm -- with LOTS of pigs.

During a conversation one day, as Barbie was talking about a friend of hers:
Barbie: "So then she just looked at me, with that 'moose in the driveway' kind of look."
Me: "That what?"
Barbie: "You know. That moose-in-the-driveway look."
Me, stopping to think for a second: "Oooohhh! You mean the 'deer in the headlights' look?"
Barbie: "Oh. Yeah, whatever. Anyway -- "

In the car, while passing by the Allen Funeral Home :
Barbie: "Oh, look. There's the Alien Funeral Home."

On global warming:
Barbie: "I'm telling you, if there's an ice age, I'm moving."

Having just seen the movie "Ice Age 3:"
Barbie: "Chasm of death? Is it chasm of death?"
JB: "Yes! I've told you a hundred times! Chasm of death!"
Barbie: "Well I don't . . I can't . . I don't have a good rememory!"

On month-old birthday cake:
Barbie: "If I eat this, I'll probably choke, then die, then get cancer 5 years later."
Me: "Then don't eat it."
Barbie: "But I'm hungry!"
Me: "Then eat it!"
Barbie: "Mom. Told you.
Choke. Die. Cancer 5 years later."

today at jen's house

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Monday, March 31, 2008

Kill Me Now.

2 Comments:

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The Barbie Diaries