Comedians Live for these Moments

Last night, watching Peter Pan rehearsal was a bit like watching Wally the Director trying to keep several ping-pong balls underwater at the same time. They were going over some scenes with the Lost Boys-- all of whom are an average age of about nine.

I sat reading my new book, "The Shack," and trying not to laugh out loud.

I nearly failed at one point when the Lost Boys were asking Wendy to tell them the "end of the story" of several fairy tales. And then, one asks:

"Tell us the end of Ham-a-lette."

Ham-a-lette?

Oh, the things going thru my mind.

"I'd like a western hamalette, please."
"No, I don't want a big ham steak, just a hamalette please."
"It's not a big ham. It's a little bitty hamalette."
"That's not a boy ham, stupid. It's a girl. She's a Ham-a-lette!"

I successfully refrained from laughing, but I still didn't get much book reading done. Wally corrected the pronounciation by the child, and all the while I'm wondering why?

As I said goodbye to Wally, he likened the entire evening to "herding cats."

I came home to find a couple of girls nestled in my bed, eating dinner and bowls of ice cream and watching my tv.

(And the answer would be no, truly nothing really is sacred these days)

So I plopped down in the chair and Barbie started talking about something -- can't remember what -- and JB was texting on the phone, and Barbie decided to change positions. So she arranged herself on her stomach, with her head at the end of the bed facing me, and kept talking.

JB decided to do the same. And then Barbie wanted the phone.

And their heads collided. It was a funny moment, and I went into a laughing/coughing fit truly appropriate for a critical condition intensive care TB ward.

They also laughed. Barbie exclaimed that JB's head was "So hard!" I agreed. JB has a round head, like her daddy. Like Charlie Brown.

Now Barbie has a narrow head, and a skinny body. So JB called her "Pinhead!"

To which Barbie replied "Brick Brains!"

This didn't help me at all with the laughing fit. And they continued laughing at each other, holding their heads and trying not to fall off the bed.

All this prompted an exploration for the correct term for each girl to use in describing the other girl's head. "Tootsie Pop," "Dum-Dum," and finally "Rosebud" were offered for Barbie, since she is basically a stick with a round thing on top.

The obvious ones for JB were offered as well -- "Pumpkin Head," "Concrete Skull," etc.

In the end, everyone had a good laugh because these two particular sisters get along extraordinarily well.

"Stupidhead" used to be the big bad name-calling name around here. For years it was the most condemning, horrible term you could use when referring to a sister.

Now, they just say "Genius." As in,

"Right, Genius, we're going skip church on Sunday morning and sleep in. While Daddy preaches."

Or "No, Genius, I want the phone so I can bang my head with it. Why do you THINK I want the phone?"

Or "No, Genius, I can't take a shower because YOU used all the hot water, thank YOU very much!"

I could go on and on. But I will say this: calling someone a genius is far better than calling them an overtly derogatory name. Even if you say it just dripping with sarcasm.

As in,

"No, Genius, I wasn't texting my friend, I was herding cats with the phone. You just keep all those ping pong balls underwater while I have me a Ham-a-lette."

xox